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14


He said we were all bouncing balls, going to fall. He said it suddenly with conviction, as if he knew. And as if we listened. I didn’t. I doubt the others did.
Flecks of plaster stuck to my hair, made me wanna sneeze, slightly colored if you squinted, as if she was still lingering there, you know?
Now, of course, i wish i had. Listened.
It would have spared me the wild cheep chase. Running after and running toward.
He said hearts cannot be broken. Only scarred. But that was worse. HE said we all had it coming. He had seen it, and it wasn’t pretty.
I have to admit it had me rattled for a while. Once i remembered his words, or trying to, grasping for air inside the gates. I could afford myself some introspection, now
that i had made it here.
What are you aiming at? Apart from the immediate, i am not so sure.
He would agree it wasn’t bad. But he would ask for more texture. More to grind. Less space. He carried himself that way.
I saw him on the way to the library. He would go there for the smell. It replaced home.

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He ascended the stairs to reach fresh air. Fresh air and a new start. Crispy croissants and cafe con leche in a new setting. He could make a go of this. It didn’t matter the earlier times. He had free will, and wanted to execute it. He knew all about luck, and paid no heed to coincidence. He wouldn’t be bullied. But in himself he had to admit it wasn’t going well. He was honest enough to face up to the facts, at least in front of the mirror. It was something about luggage, no matter how he hated excuses. There are excuses that cover the real reasons, and there are excuses that are so well crafted that they fool the messenger. But in his heart of hearts he knew there were excuses that were actually true. He just didn’t really accept them. He had this childish notion since childhood, that his approach to dealing with things like this could affect their final outcome. And so he stubbornly resisted. No matter the weight of evidence tipping the scale against him. Becaus...
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