”Violence is never the answer”, the monk says, pumping his shotgun. ”But you don’t always have to be right”.
I look at him in disbelief, soon to be growing panic. How did we get from peddling serenity training lockers to…this? True, I had only known Theseus for..let’s see…two weeks, but still. In two weeks you’d think stir crazy would pop out its head and yank at you. At least once? But no. Theseus (Dzisus, is that even his name? Maybe I don’t know anything about him) seemed as regular as Volvo. It was smooth sailing and inward smiles all through camp training. Not one to stand out, I thought myself lucky to be paired with him. I had looked in disbelief at some of the other recruits. Misfits, ex-druggies, clean-cut loonies, and the occasional seeker. No, I could have done much worse, of this I had felt certain. And the first three days of door-knocking here in….Tubersville (population 563) was apple pie and cream cheese. Perhaps we got more door-slammers than lemonade glasses to our faces, but hey, what do you expect? It IS a pretty flea-ridden county after all. Our handlers had been explicit, this is just warm-up. No quotas are expected to fill up. Not yet. First, learn how to put the boot to the ground and start grinding.
Perhaps this was why. To see who had the mettle and be able to contain outbreaks such as… but this is madness. It cannot be happening to me. Not again. Not like this. I mean, for chrissake. Who do you have to blow around here to get a break, huh? Just the one.
But no, someone had the sadistic idea of playing me, just a little bit more. You know what? Fine. Whatever. Two can dance this tango.
”Yo Theseus, back off for a sec. Say hello to my little friend.”
”Why you bxzwsk…..fre….quak…”
The rest of the transmission is garbled for reasons not known. Possibilities include corrupted files, sun flares, and a herd of unruly hippopotamuses. Incident report filed and stored under Magnamius, Jan. No access restrictions.
I sigh and resign my seat at the table. It remains unclear why Prof. Janssen insists we sift through these. Some will fall asleep after a few grueling hours of this, but I do not share that affliction. Unfortunately in my case, other ailments are beseeching me. It’s hunger, plain and simple. Remains to choose my poison of the day. I briefly entertain the idea of fish, but discard the notion out of hand. A quick view in my rearview window suffice.
The rest of the crew bailed. Perhaps this is why. As I walk to the waiting area grinding my teeth I am struck with an insight. I turn on my heels and peruse the lexica Amargana. Yes, you buggers, I gotcha! See, there are prizes for perseverance, you just have to…persevere. I note the related filings in my purpose-made notebook and it feels like I can breathe again after forever.
There is a match, and I found it. Just like Janssen undoubtedly assumed one or more of us would. My prospects just increased by a magnitude. I could afford a sly smile and the rest of the afternoon off.
As I traipse off towards some rest in the outer dormitories the faint smell of something burning (cedar? Incense?) passes through my nostrils and my consciousness. It barely registers, I am so looking forward to my bunk. If I had known, but how could I? I was, after all, just a measly free-riding scholarship student in my second freshman semester. Yes, as I recall these fateful events for the Chronicler I see the difference it would have made. I also see how I could never have seen it.
(To be continued)
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